Wrongful Accusations - Chapter 22
Drinking and Coping
Oh boy, I was losing my mind. I had to get out of there. It didn’t take long for me to get to my car and drive to my aunt’s house. She had what looked like high school students sitting around her living room. I waved and went straight to the den where the bar was. A clear bottle with brown liquid caught my eye first. I took a swig, it was Crown Royal, and it went down smoothly with a little kick.
I sat down on the couch with the bottle in hand. Aunt Essie would probably have a fit about me drinking out of her fancy bottles, but I planned on washing it once I had drained the contents.
I was halfway through the bottle when my aunt found me. She came over and took the bottle from me. I tried to hold it tightly in my grasp, but she slapped my hand and I let it go.
I was too drunk and too old to get a whipping.
“Sandra, what’s wrong darling?”
At first, I just shook my head as if everything was fine. Aunt Essie grabbed my face and forced me to look at her. I guess she saw something in my eyes that told the story or most of it anyway.
“Sandra, sweetie, I’m so sorry about Jerry. You must not feel guilty about this. People take work home all of the time. You just have the misfortune of having work follow you independently.”
“Aunt Essie, what am I going to do? Jerry’s mother probably wants to bury me right along with her son and I don’t know what to say to make her feel better.”
“There’s nothing you can say sweetheart. Remember how you felt when you lost your child? You hadn’t even met him until he was taken from your womb, but you loved him, nonetheless. Imagine how much more distraught you would have been if he had been in your life for, nearly 40 years and was tragically taken from you. Give her time, Sandra. She’ll come around. And if she doesn’t, just keep in mind that when Jerry is laid to rest, you will never have to see the old bat again.”
“Auntie, you’re crazy,” I laughed through my tears.
“Sometimes you have to be a little crazy to keep from going completely insane,” she said, hugging me.
Jerry had a lot of friends and family, which made his funeral three times as large as Carl’s. The funeral was held at Pentecostal Temple Church of God in Christ on Danny Thomas downtown. The COGIC saints sang and praised their hearts out. It was truly a homegoing service that made me want to attend church more often.
Mrs. Sims allowed me and my Aunt Essie to sit in the front row with her and some other family, but I could tell she was still angry with me. Thinking back to my aunt’s words, I couldn’t blame Mrs. Sims for the way she felt. It was hard for any mother to lose a child; I could attest to that.
I hadn’t shared my feelings with anyone but my aunt. Carl didn’t even know how devastated I was because all I told him was that I was leaving him as soon as I got well. He didn’t believe me until he came home to a Dear John letter that I had taped to a case of Colt 45 that I sat on the counter near the fridge.
Unlike Carl’s burial, I attended Jerry’s. I wanted to take advantage of all the time I could to be in his presence. Sunday school lessons about the dead always being with their loved ones in spirit floated through my subconscious, but I still needed that closure. I wanted to say goodbye to the man who had put up with all of my eccentricities, a man who had held me when I needed comfort, a man who had nursed me back to health on more than one occasion, the man who wanted to spend the rest of his life with me.
I never thought that I would be a fan of wearing a veil until that day. The veil was the mask that I hid my pain behind. My red eyes and tear-streaked face were hidden from everyone who thought I was the baddest chick in Memphis, a tough broad that could handle anything and anybody. Only those close to me knew that I was a scared, lonely woman.
Mrs. Sims and I stood side by side as they lowered Jerry’s casket into the ground. I was startled when she grabbed my hand, thinking that she would throw me in behind him. I looked at her and could see a faint smile. Then I hugged the woman who was very close to being my mother-in-law, wishing that I had gotten to know her a little better.
“I'm sorry, baby, I know you’re hurting too. He loved you so much. I wish…”
“It's okay, Mrs. Sims.”
“I wish that you could have given me some grandbabies.”
I said nothing, I just held her. Jerry had wanted to have children, but I kept putting it off saying that we could wait until we got married. But I don’t think I ever had any intentions of having a baby. I couldn’t take the chance of losing another one. I didn’t dare tell Mrs. Sims what I felt. She squeezed me before letting me go. Mrs. Sims dropped a red rose into the hole and walked over to the rest of the family.
I continued to stand there with my rose in my hand and look down at what would have been my future. Lightheadedness suddenly overcame me and I nearly lost my footing. Aunt Essie grabbed me just before I had toppled into the open grave. When she squeezed me I broke into uncontrollable sobs, wishing that she had let me fall. Wishing that they could bury me with him.
“You are not going to give up on life. I won’t let you,” she whispered in my ear as if she could read my thoughts.
Cole Slaw and Marcus came to help my aunt take me to the car. My head was throbbing and spinning all at once. I couldn’t speak coherently when Cole Slaw asked me if I was okay. All I could do was close my eyes and go to sleep. Apparently, Marcus had carried me because when I woke up, I was in my childhood room, at Aunt Essie’s house.
It took me almost a week to get myself together enough to leave Aunt Essie’s house and return to my own apartment. When I walked in, everything was back to normal, except for some of the blood that could not be removed from the carpet. The carpet would have to be replaced. Moving crossed my mind, but I would have to give it some thought. I called Cole Slaw to thank her for cleaning my place.
“I didn’t clean your place. Shannon called me and said that she and her friend Mallory wanted to do something for you so I let them in. Shannon felt really really bad about what happened.”
That didn’t sound right to me. Shannon didn’t clean her own place so why would she want to clean someone else’s. And Mallory? What was her story? I still didn’t know why she was at the hospital that day. I decided that I would call Shannon and Mallory to see if we could all get together.
“Hey Cole, I want to thank Shannon and Mallory for being such a great help. I’ll call them to see if they want to go out to eat somewhere. Would you like to go?”
“Sassy, it sounds like you’re up to something, you know I always have your back, girl. Just let me know when and what time.”
I called Shannon to see if she wanted to get together that night. She answered on the first ring as if she was waiting for me to call.
“Hello, Sassy, how are you?”
“I’m good. You and Mallory did a good job on my apartment, thanks a lot.”
“You’re welcome, it was Mallory’s idea. You know that I’m not that good at cleaning. I feel bad that she did most of the work. But I called a guy who could get me a good deal on some new carpeting, if your apartment manager doesn’t mind.”
“She may not. So uh, Mallory did the most work. That was nice of her and I don’t even know her that well.”
“Mallory’s always been like that, helping people she doesn’t even know. She used to help Joshua get contracts after he left the IRS.”
Wasn’t that nice, a modern-day Good Samaritan? I had a feeling that there was more to this than just wanting to do a good deed.
“Would you and Mallory like to go out for dinner with me and Cole Slaw? I’m paying. Just a little meal among friends.”
“That would be great. I’ll call Mallory on three-way. Hold on.”
When Shannon clicked back over, I heard the phone ring a couple of times. Just when I thought it was going to voicemail, Mallory answered.
“Hey Mallory, Sassy’s on the phone. She wants to take us out to dinner. You want to go?”
“Well, I’m kind of busy right now.”
“It would really mean a lot to me,” I said. “I miss…I just need some friends to be around so I won’t feel so lonely.”
Mallory was silent for a while. I had a feeling that she didn’t want to see me. But why?
“Come on Mallory, you’re always working. Have some fun for a change.”
“Maybe some other time, I’ve got to go,” she said, hanging up on us.
“Well, I can go out with you and Cole Slaw. Where are we going?”
“What do you have a taste for?”
“Hummm, On the Border has great food. And it’s happy hour, two for one drinks.”
“It’s a date then,” I said, hanging up.
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